The lie of perfection
You sit at your desk, scrolling through Facebook and Pinterest, with a pile of tasks you’ve pushed off to the side. At first, you love catching up with what’s new in your friends’ lives. Soon, however, you begin examining yourself.
Your hair looks messy, unlike your friend who seems to always looks perfect. Another friend posted a picture of their immaculate kitchen while you can barely keep up with the dishes. One friend is traveling to Japan on a business trip, and you have a pile of unfinished tasks you have been procrastinating for days.
Too often in life, it’s easy to look at the “perfect” friends and compare. We compare our weaknesses and failures to the accomplishments of others and wonder why we don’t measure up.
Did we miss out on some big secret? We berate ourselves for not working harder, forgetting to exercise, and cluttering up our lives.
We are our biggest critics.
The truth of the matter is, the more we belittle ourselves for our failures, the less motivation we have to change. Think about it. Imagine you are working on a project for work. You’ve put hours into this project, and you’re actually proud of the result. You’ve created something effective and original. However, when you go to present it to your boss, all he can focus on is the small grammatical mistakes you’ve made. You feel deflated. Instead of seeing the originality and effectiveness of the project, he focuses on the smallest problems that don’t matter much.
From then on, you felt less motivated to create. What if he just hates it again? He’ll never see the amount of work I put into this. You stop trying so hard.
In reality, both the employee and the boss are us. The employee is the part of us that wants to become better and the boss is our inner critic.
We can be doing a dozen things right. We may be treating others kindly despite their harsh actions against us. Or, we might be stepping further out of our comfort zone than we ever have before. But, instead of seeing these “wins,” that quiet inner critic tells us it’s not enough to make up for the small mistakes. That critic expects perfection and criticizes every other attempt.
Eventually, mustering up the courage to create becomes difficult. We’d rather stick with what we know and not venture out of our comfort zone again.
A better way for the boss to have corrected the employee would have been to focus on encouraging the “wins” and accepting small changes that don’t overwhelm.
When your inner critic is threatening to take over, it’s time for some self-love.
Journaling for self-love
I’m a big believer in the power of writing. Words have a way of clarifying the muddled mess of my thoughts. I’ll admit, when I’m at a block in life, the fastest way for me to unblock is to start writing. A few hundred words in, I’ve identified the block. The next hundred or so, I can focus on how to accept the block and move forward.
Simply for this reason, I’ve kept a journal for six years. My life gets hectic, and I have a lot of roles to fill. My brain gets overwhelmed with the amount it’s trying to hold. I journal to dump all my muddled thoughts on the page and organize them into coherent thoughts.
Because journaling has been a way for me to improve my self-image, I’ve put together a list of some of the questions I’ve written about (including some others I hope to get to during these next 30 days). They are questions designed to pinpoint your focus on improving your image.
For each question, define a word count or page count you must reach. I write one page a day. Because I have this in mind, I end up diving deeper into questions I could have answered in a few sentences. It forces me to think deeper. Often I find myself discovering the answer in the extra words I wouldn’t have written otherwise.
You can follow these prompts for 30 days or pick one whenever you need it. Come back and revisit these questions any time you need an extra dose of self-love.
Self-love journal prompts
- What accomplishments are you most proud of?
- What makes you joyful?
- How do you feel love?
- What blessings do you have in life?
- How can you show yourself love today?
- Who has blessed your life?
- How have you served others?
- What is your biggest strength?
- Who is a role model for you?
- What makes you feel alive?
- Describe a hardship you have overcome.
- Write a letter to your past self.
- Write a letter to your future self.
- What do you want to be remembered as?
- What is your favorite physical feature on yourself?
- Which of your negative thoughts makes the least amount of sense?
- Rephrase a limiting belief you have (I don’t know enough, I’ll never be able to learn that, I’m too inexperienced, etc.). “I’m too inexperienced” becomes, “My experiences are valid, and I have a unique perspective to share.”
- What is your favorite quality about yourself?
- Write about something you struggle to accept about yourself.
- Imagine a friend with similar self-deprecating thoughts. What would you say to her?
- Give yourself a pep talk for the hard times.
- What can you do today to show yourself some love?
- When life gets hard, how do you center yourself?
- What are you most proud of?
- How would your life look without insecurities?
- What scary thing can you do this week?
- Who encourages you?
- Create an affirmation about accepting yourself.
- Describe your body with only positive statements. Read this aloud to yourself.
- Describe your soul with only positive statements. Read this aloud to yourself.
Get writing!
Each of these questions can open a new awareness of your self-image. Take the time to ponder each question thoroughly. I can promise that the more time you put into these questions, the more answers you will find.
Most of all, remember that you deserve love. Make a habit of complimenting yourself each day. Find the self-deprecating thoughts, and change them into positive affirmations. Each day, you’ll become a little better.
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